I was recently sitting in the Amex when I over heard a part of a conversation between a girl and a guy I didn’t know. The girl was asking the guy for some advice about another guy she was interested in. Although I didn’t know any of the people involved in the conversation nor did I know the subject of their conversation it was not too hard to figure out exactly what the problem was.
It appeared to be that increasingly common situation: girl likes boy; boy likes girl, well sort of. Girl and boy get drunk and kiss. Girl really likes boy now. Boy still wants to see what is out there.
Back in the Amex, the girl, who was quite attractive and friendly, was confused and hurt. I could almost read what was going through her head: what is wrong with me? Why doesn’t he call me? Why would he have kissed me if he were not going to call? I knew what she was thinking because I have thought those same things before.
As I left the Amex a little while later I began to ask myself, why does this scenario only seem to happen to women? I don’t know many men who sit around wondering why the girl he just made out with hasn’t called him back. Where women are wondering when they will get to see the man again, men seemed to be thinking, cool, I kissed a hot woman. I don’t know many men who worry if a woman will think he is a slut for getting involved too soon or if she is going to call.
However, women love to kiss and tell. We do. I won’t pretend as soon as we get home from a date or a party we don’t call our best friend and reiterate the entire story- at least five times. Not only is it satisfying to tell another person about how happy you are at that moment but if someone else believes that it happened to you than it makes the unbelievable good time you just had even more believable. But when that unbelievably good time is suddenly diminished to an unbelievably good memory because what you expected to happen next doesn’t, the emotional fall can be extreme. Which makes me wonder, if we are able to kiss and tell is it life’s cruel joke to leave us kissing and questioning?
There is an interesting book that came out a year ago titled, He Is Just Not That Into You, by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo. Personally I hated the book- I thought it was restricting and made women look incapable of understanding when they were being blown off. But there is one thing I will give the book credit for: it identifies that women can look at incredibly hopeless situations and somehow formulate the most unrealistic way to make it a hopeful one. For instance, “the reason he is not calling after our great date is because he is afraid of commitment. But if I just wait a little longer, he is suddenly going to realize that if he is going to commit with anyone it will certainly be me.” Or, “he is afraid of starting a relationship with me because I live in Paris and he is only visiting but when he sees me at the bars we always kiss and end up at each other’s apartments by the end of the night. So we are practically in a relationship anyways.”
And the list can go on and on. After receiving a minimum of male attention we are slaphappy with elated emotion when in reality we just need to be slapped out of it. No, it is not a bad thing to be excited about kissing someone and having it feel good; it is a bad thing to think that every person you kiss is the one. Or even sort of the one or even someone who is worth your quality time! If he isn’t calling you, then is he really worth it?
A few days after I had been in the Amex, I was talking with a guy friend about why guys seem to kiss and run. He said to me, “don’t you realize how much control women have? Men are really at the beck and call of women, if they play their cards right.” I wasn’t sure if I agreed with him right away or not. It seemed that to get what we want we had to be able to manipulate people. But, as my friend explained, that wasn’t his point. He simply meant that most men could go out there and find a woman to go home with by the end of it. That, he said, is not too hard. However, finding a woman who doesn’t go home with him at the end of the night and gives him something to look forward to is not as easy. His point was that women have all the power- but if you give yourself up too soon than there is nothing mysterious about either person anymore and if there is nothing other than a physical relationship holding you together than it is only a matter of time before the expiration date is up.
Then my friend asked me this, “why do you think men buy fast, expensive sports cars? To impress women, of course!” While I thought that was a bit extreme, I did see his point. The beginning of a relationship is all about impressions. Is he smart? Is he attractive? Is he funny? Is he boring? Is he sleazy? What would he be like in bed? Does he like me? Among the millions of other questions we ask ourselves, I am pretty sure that men are asking many of the same. But the game is about when to reveal the answers. Like the New York Times crossword puzzle, you hope he can manage it all on his own but eventually you can help him with some of the answers.
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