Dogs and Sex

Over the course of one week I found myself in the arms of two different men. Considering the drought I had been in I was pretty excited about this small detail. Neither of the two men was my boyfriend, nor had I had any previous history with either of them. The only thing they had in common was the fact that I met them both whilst drinking a little thing called vodka. Saturday night it was Mike, an older, very successful man who found himself with a lot of money and probably safe to say a huge commitment complex. I wasn’t too worried about commitment on Saturday as we were making-out on the street, nor was I that concerned with it the next morning leaving his fabulous apartment. And it only slightly bothered me that he didn’t ask for my number either. I wasn’t sure how soon I would be running back for more after a somewhat disappointing climax, or lack there of.
The following Thursday my girlfriends and I found ourselves at O’Sullivan’s in the 9th. I probably should have guessed I was going to be a bit crazy when we walked in its door, located only 10 feet away from the actual entrance of the Moulin Rouge (what is it about the Red Light district?). Within minutes I met Ray, an oil rigger from Texas who found himself passing through Paris just for the night on his way home from the Ivory Coast. This time it was his sweet Texan drawl, readiness to buy me yet another drink and his fantastic ability to kiss. What girl’s knees wouldn’t go weak after they are told that they could just be kissed all night? I left him at the bar with swollen lips and an incredible buzz.
The next night I found myself at Poona Lounge, for a friend’s going away party. Unfortunately right about then I really began to put into perspective my actions from the previous nights. Although the sex with Mike needed some work (which I was willing to work on), I still felt a little sad by the fact that I hadn’t heard from him. Sure I knew it was a long shot that a guy would want to call a girl he randomly went home with, so when he called our mutual friend asking for my number and wondering if I was out with everyone I was pretty excited. I may have broken the cardinal rule, no sex on the first night, he had obviously been interested if he found out where I was…or he just wanted to get laid.
Which ever it was, I became even more excited when he kissed me in the bar. And before I let it go any further I stood up for myself, needing to know why he had never asked me for my number or called me himself to find out what I had been doing. I realized there had been initial attraction but I needed to know that if I was about to start something with him again, it could be more than just one night. Mike responded by telling me that he had dropped the ball that morning, unsure of how I was feeling about the situation but he was sorry that he never called.
At that moment I was ecstatic! I was sure something was there, sure he must really like me despite my aloof façade, sure he was going to call me and sure I wanted to kiss him again; I was so sure of myself I fainted right there in the bar! I wish I could admit that Mike made me faint because he was such a great kisser but unfortunately it was probably more of a sign from my body rejecting everything about him, including the lines he was most likely feeding me. My mind may have been spinning from the vodka and his venomous lips but my heart and my gut were certainly telling me the truth.
It didn’t take my head much longer to follow when within an hour after I had fainted and freaked him out, he was flirting with my really good friend- even asking her for her number. I was baffled by his change of attitude as well as hurt and angry. The following day, as my girlfriends and I talked about the strange order of events from the night before, I just couldn’t understand how this guy could go from looking for me and kissing me to totally blowing me off. It wasn’t until one friend brought up the point that I in fact had been kissing someone else merely 24 hours before that I began to wonder how much I had really cared. Was it true emotional attachment or the sex talking? I couldn’t decide. Perhaps I had made a mistake going home with Mike that first night and maybe making out with someone else only a few days later was slightly destructive, but don’t men do it all the time? I have yet to meet a man who would reject an attractive woman and her advances, and if there is more than one a night who’s to stop them.
For some women though this is a more difficult concept. We become attached to things quicker and easier; shoes, clothes; perfume, places and, of course, men. We might feel attracted to all types of men, but we also are not necessarily going to jump in bed with every single one of them. When it comes to finding someone who will care about you and give you what you are looking for there seem to be very few choices. Either we have to settle for random nights of foreign lips, overwhelming feelings of sexual attraction and poor judgment choices, or we have to wait around for someone to call. The question remains, is it worth fooling yourself to find intimacy or should women simply take the high road and wait until the right guy comes along before we allow ourselves to be attached?
Perhaps it is a testament to myself that I was actually upset about being blown off by Mike and feeling slightly guilty about kissing another man while I was developing some sort of feelings for him. As much as I put up a brick wall around myself, I know in the end that I still have feelings. While at the same time, I am not tied down by a set of rules. I made the decision to go home with a man I barely knew conscious of the fact that he might not call or even be the same as I had perceived him to be the night before. In the end though, regardless of the fact that he didn’t ask for my number, I still found myself attracted to him. Although I don’t feel women should be conformist or always play by the rules, I did establish one rule for myself: sex is fantastic, being touched and attracted to is almost overwhelmingly satisfying, but feeling even more alone and unspecial the next day makes it all worth the wait. As the saying goes, if you give a dog the bone on the first try he will only remember you for one thing, which is not necessarily for love or affection.