Okay, admit it. There is one type of guy in life that all women are attracted to at one point or another. He is the quiet musician type in the corner of the room who everyone wants to talk to. He is that devastatingly handsome guy who is surprisingly nice and appears not to realize how good-looking he actually is. He is also that artistic guy who has dark conversations on life and can get away with it. Or he is the guy who seems to have it altogether; he graduated from some great university, is intelligent, funny and has that great smile.
What do all these guys have in common? Well, for one they some how manage to suck you in with their aloofness and at the same time they make you feel as if you are the only woman in the room. They flirt with you and tease you, but know just how far to go. They really listen to your half of the conversation and even remember something you had said days later and they never seem to be busy when you call. So you begin to think, “God there is really something there with this guy. I mean he always seems happy to see me and we get along so well.” You may have gone as far to sleep with him, thinking that something was sure to come out of it. And just when you are getting really comfortable and confident in yourself he suddenly pulls the rug out from underneath you. He stops calling and then when you see him again or call him to find out exactly what is going on he tells you the most ridiculous thing you have ever heard.
I like to call this type the “unavailable” guy.
My favorite excuse for “forgetting “ to call was when this one guy, let’s call him John, didn’t return a phone call after a few weeks. I had been seeing John for months, and when he dropped off the face of the earth I was mad, annoyed and then forced myself to feel indifferent for pride’s sake. A few days after I had convinced myself I no longer cared about him I ran into him at a bar. I was sitting with a friend having a drink when he came over, slid onto the stool next to me and sat down as if nothing had happened. Finally after a few minutes of bull shitting with him I finally asked in my best “I am indifferent” tone of voice, so whatever happened to you? Why didn’t you ever call me back?
He turned to me and said, with a straight face, “well, you see I just got this new phone,” he waves the phone in front of my face, “and while I was transferring your number into my new phone, my old phone suddenly slipped out of my hand and fell into the Mediterranean Sea.”
Well, for background information, this guy did happen to work on a yacht in the south of France, but honestly, unless he had been leaning over the edge of the boat transferring phone numbers the story could never be plausible! What really got me was that he expected me to actually believe him. At that moment I couldn’t believe that I had actually spent time even thinking about this guy. I felt like I had the words “naïve” and “idiot” stamped across my forehead. It was unbelievable.
Then there was the time with another guy who I had been seeing for few months, who told me that, “well, even if there could be anything between us you are leaving in a month.” The truth was I was leaving, I was moving to a new country, but the fact that he had to use my own life against me made me so mad. I knew that I was leaving, I had made that decision but for him to decide our fate totally based on the inconvenience of my moving frustrated me and drove me insane! As if it had been my entire fault that he couldn’t get his own act together and put in the effort required to make a relationship out of the great chemistry we had together.
Another time I went skiing with this guy as sort of a date/get to know you outing. We had a great day skiing and when we parted exhausted and rosy-cheeked from the day on the slopes, he gave me a hug and said he would call me soon. Well soon turned into a matter of weeks and eager just to find out where this one had disappeared to I finally gave up on waiting and called him myself. Well the story I got was classic.
“So you know how we were skiing all day. Well, I had my phone in my pocket and at some point it must have fallen out on the slopes, because I realized on the ride home that it was gone. Didn’t I tell you that?” he volunteered as an after thought. Well, considering that we spent forty-five minutes in the car together riding home and he never got that panicked look of, oh my god I lost my phone, no.
Then there was the most recent escapade. I met this one guy through a friend and I thought we really hit it off. He flirted with me a lot and teased me in a playful way. After a few weeks of hanging out in a very social setting we made plans to spend time together, just the two of us. I left him that night feeling great about the time we had just spent together. We talked easily, flirted and never had any of those awkward silences. Feeling witty and confident afterwards, I sent him a message asking if he would want to meet up in the next week to go for a drink, mentioning that I really enjoyed talking with him.
Well, in the most possible non-story book ending to my night, he writes me back that while he really enjoyed talking with me as well, going for drinks now wouldn’t be a great idea. Maybe we could do it sometime in the future but the timing was bad at the moment. I found myself wondering, were going for drinks that committal? I always believed that asking someone to go for drinks or coffee was the least committal possible. Apparently my perception of meeting someone casually like that was much different than this guy’s.
Again, what is going on here? How can these guys appear to have the most potential and then deflate faster than a punctured balloon?
It is as if they think women won’t be able to handle the truth and that we need to be fed the most outrageous stories to feel better about ourselves. As if their opinion of the situation and what they think of us, is the most important thing in the world. Did they ever think that a simple no would ever be in order?
The problem with these unavailable guys is that because they are so unavailable to even themselves they don’t know how to approach any situation truthfully and like a man. They appear threatened by strong women who demand answers, because honestly we have a life to live. What they don’t understand is that while we would love for them to join along for the ride, we are also not going to be sitting by the phone waiting for their most recent and lame excuse to why they are scared to take a risk.
So why are we, these great, smart, attractive women, chasing after such idiots? That is simple. We have this urge to conquer the unconquerable, sink the unsinkable, and speak the unspeakable. This desire is not so much in the change the bad boy to a good one sense but more in the sense that if these unavailable guys spent more than five minutes with us, they would see that living without us is almost impossible. We don’t want to suffocate anyone, nor give up all our aspirations (because honestly no one can get in our way). However, we have so much energy and so much ambition that we want to share it with someone. But we are not about to just share it with anyone; it takes someone special, someone a little bit different and someone a little bit unavailable. That way we feel like we accomplished something.
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