In one month from today, I will be celebrating another year gone by. I am also hoping that this year's festivities will be much more exciting than last year: stuck in bed, dying of strep throat. (Fine, maybe I wasn't dying, but it certainly felt like it!) The only celebration I had was an 23h30 birthday call from the guy I had been calling my boyfriend and a few friends who sheepishly made their way to my house to "celebrate" an hour before the boyfriend call. Needless to say, that boyfriend definitely failed the test miserably and those friends have been replaced in the natural progression of out growing and changing that so often happens when you get older.
Last year and this year have been marked by a number of milestones and while I think every year how much I've changed from the last, I've found there are some pretty obvious changes that have happened.
1) I've realized that people don't really change all that much. That boyfriend was the same boyfriend who left me in Paris six months previously, who I never heard from until he found his way back to Paris again. He was a jerk when he left and he was a jerk when he came back. Even when I was sick he barely found the time to check on me to make sure I was ok. And those promises (like the ones I had heard before) were of course broken again. Luckily for me, the third time's the charm! I managed to delete him from my life when a surprisingly unapologetic email arrived back in my inbox a month later wondering if I was back in Paris. Well, if he really wanted to be my boyfriend he would have called a lot sooner!
2) I gained the confidence to stick up for myself without being catty. For two years, I had a group of friends who I've had a lot of fun with. Looking back at the pictures of our various adventures, I still laugh and smile. And no matter what, I wish nothing but the best for them in their lives. But having said that, there does come a point when you don't want to stay that certain character of the group. I guess what I want to say is I never intended to always strictly act a certain way around certain people-- that is not who I am. I also never intended to have to continuously worry about and then apologize for the way I draw my conclusions. And I never want to be expected to have to make-up for the short comings in other people's lives (and neither would I expect that of them!). I don't mean to sound that I am a disloyal person but I think the first person we have to be loyal to is ourselves. If there comes a day when I am married with children, then I will happily make them the priority in my life but for now I have to be my first priority.
And that priority does not have to fight unnecessary battles about frivolous differences.
3) I got out and accomplished something to set myself apart. When you suddenly see the friend base that you once had start to crumble it is quite possibly the best thing for you. There was a reason my base crumbled. It opened my eyes up and I learned to really cherish those friends I will have for a long time. I also got myself out there and made new friends, got a job at an international magazine, and traveled.
4) Even at its most I'm-going-to-throw-up moments, I met someone pretty amazing, I learned what disappoint can feel like, and I'm still standing. As a blind optimist, I put a piece my heart away, just in case and as scowling cynic I have not learned to move on yet. Two feelings I never knew were possible to feel simultaneously; hopefully being in my mid-twenties soon will help me work that out!
Finally, 5) I am not longer in my early-twenties. Somewhat relieving because hopefully I will start to take myself a little more seriously. And hopefully, my mid-twenties will answer some questions that are beginning to mull in my head!
No comments:
Post a Comment